Sunday, March 7, 2010
2005 the start of the rollercoaster
January 29th was my sister Tammy's 30th birthday, her last birthday. May was when everything changed, I got on the roller coaster and couldn't get off. Mothers day I talked to Tammy and found out how unhappy she was. I tried to help and protect her but it wasn't enough. I last spoke to my sister May 23rd the last words I said to her, I love you. I am grateful that I have no doubt that she knew how important she was to me. Tammy lost her life to domestic violence. Her husband said divorce was not an option and unfortunately meant it in the most horrific way. He took her life in the house they shared. I was in Albert Lea that day thankfully to pick up a dog. My mom got a call from my nieces school to come pick her up so mom called me to drive her. The house was 3 blocks from the school, how I didn't see all the police cars 2 blocks down I will never know. We saw a police car in front of the school but tried not to worry. Once the plain clothes police officer was introduced to us though worry set in. Sitting at the table and having to hear the words Mrs. Sorensen I'm sorry but your daughter is dead........ I can't even imagine what my mom was thinking. I put my head down the only thing I could think was am I reacting properly? Is this what I should be doing after hearing the words my sister, my best friend is dead. I knew he did it, the officer wouldn't say what happened, they were still investigating. We were given some time to collect ourselves then we had to take Sarah and Johnnie back to my parents. When that door opened and I saw Sarah sitting on that chair swinging her legs she was so excited to see me my heart broke.I did not cry that day I let my mom cry, I entertained the kids tried not to alert them anything was wrong. One more day they deserved one more day of happiness. We kept the news off, the story was all over it. The next afternoon I took the kids to a bedroom, just us I was not going to make my mom do this. I was Auntie Kay I know how much they loved me and sitting there trying to find the words was the hardest thing I had ever done. Telling them, a 5 and 4 year old their mommy was gone seeing my nieces heart break and having my words do it. I slept at Al's cousins that night and fell apart finally letting myself feel. The rest was such a blur talking to detectives, planning the funeral and trying to get off this roller coater. Adjusting to loosing Tammy in such a horrible manner was not easy. Wishing I could have changed things but knowing I couldn't was hard to come to terms with. Then the back and forth with him and preparing for trial then him delaying it. I got through, somehow. May 26th 2006 I got my 3rd tattoo, a care bear on my leg. Friend bear for my best friend. I survived the first year.